–edit– ITS GOOD AGAIN!!!! lol…

Hey loves…i’m so glad I have people to read this thing, lol. I actually got 6 comments….man that makes me so happy to know I have 6 people out there who care enough to comment me, lol. I ❤ each n every one of you so much! lol. As alot of you know, i’m going through a crazy time right now..havin some friend problems..and some mental problems..*cough* lol no im not mentally ill YET! hahaha But i’m just in that mode where im a lil depressed and think i’m a horrible person and nobody cares about me..lol. But it’s a really stupid thought, bc I know theres ppl out there who love me n I love you guys so much! Thank each n everyone of you for bein’ there for me…all the time.

Anyway…I woke up and me n Rach went to Walmart to get my pics and the IDIOTS didn’t have them!!!!! WTC?!?!? Yeah, i almost cried…it depressed me really bad. I HATE WALMART!! THEY DO SOMETHING RETARDED EVERY TIME!!! *cries* Goodness, im so scared I’m not going to get them at all….*is horrified*…You guys don’t understand how I am about my pictures…esp these. These are the only things I have to remember some people. I want my pictures..*cries*. What do I do? Im so scared…They’re the ONLY things that if people mess up, they cant replace. And I was gonna get Will to scan ’em for me Monday…*cries* I HATE THIS!!

So we get home and my parents are already home! What the crap. I was so looking forward to being home alone tonight. Rachel’s going to Smoking Not Litterally’s party for his bday..yay. I’m glad she’s going. She nevers goes anywhere without Dock nemore. So anyway, I wont be home alone. I’m gonna watch Phantom of the Opera though..all by myself. I love watching movies by myself, lol. It’s my relaxing time..so I’m going to watch some movies and have some quiet time..listen to some music. Probably write some letters, hopefully anyway. I haven’t sent anything off in a while since the cards & Elisa’s letter. I need Aunt Dolores’ address so bad! And if Greg doesn’t send me the pic of me n Danny, imma have a frickin’ heartattack! Gah! I’m looking forward to Annese sending me pics soon, too..but she’s really stressed right now with finals and all, so it’ll be a lil while before she does it, which is okay. I also needa clean my room, but im not sure if I can handle that task right now, lol. I need to practice a song for revival, but I need Rach to be here to play it on the piano…of course.

I’m completely dreading school. I have to go clothes shopping next week..I really don’t want to!! I do like buying pens, pencils and paper, though! lol. I’m not as excited about Life University anymore now that I’m having conflicts with her. I was expecting it to be our week, but blegh. Now i’m just like scared I’m gonna go and sit by myself the whole time. That’s probably what I need though, so I won’t have any distractions. I’m scared she wont come because of me. And we’re not gonna have comfy chairs, lol. But I need some hard preachin’..and Tony Pangle does the job. I love Tony-in-the-box so much! I miss Milldale like crazy. I miss alotta stuff right now. Man, things are so hard right now…

I had fun in Monroe with my sister though. I love my sister so much! I dropped the dogfood on her and I thought she was going down..lol it was hilarious. We both laughed n laughed. That stupid dogfood is like the size of a small child! lol. And it’s a mini bag!! And, I held up the color checker outter thing to her face..lol and she was like..MAKE SURE NOBODY’S LOOKING!!! hehe 🙂 She wanted me to drive home but I was having a great time listening to 90s music. We heard that Inside Out song by Eve 6 or something…ya know..& it brought back old memories…of Tony, Amber & myself jumping up and down in Rachel’s room singing that to the top of our lungs while Rachel was in the shower, lol. Brought back memories of the blue car…the blue car reminds me so much of Tony & Amber. Those were the days…my favorites, by far. I love 90s music..it’s the greatest. Thats what we keep the satellite radio on. So I can hear Hanson & Spice Girls! SPICE UP YA LIFE!

I can hear Mom talking to Monica on the phone….talking about jobs n junk. She was talking about all her family moving away and she’s one of the only ones who stayed here bc she loved it here. I love it here. But I miss my family so much! Uncle Blake moved to New Orleans, Aunt Sharon moved to Lufkin TX, Aunt Lanette moved to Diboll -then Houston, Aunt Andrea moved to Austin, Aunt Dolores moved to St. Louis, Aunt Jan, Aunt Dwanna & Uncle Darrell all live in Monroe, Aunt Denise lives in Quitman. I don’t even know where Aunt Terry lives. Just Uncle Kevin & Mom still here with Grandmother. I love my family more than anything in the world. Do you guys no how much I love them? They’re the best!! Really, lol. They are! Chantea lives in Diboll n Felecity lives in Dallas. Im not sure where David lives. Blegh, I miss em all. I love my family reunions. I’m hoping to have a big FAMILY REUNION/THANKSGIVING CELEBRATION at Caney! Aunt Dwanna said we’d be there from like Wednesday to Saturday or something. She said I could invite Sam and she could come on Thursday night after goin to her Grandmas and all that. This is a big long post about nothing because I WANT TO RAMBLE!! I’ve been needing to talk..so I’m talking! I need a popsicle. Gmother said she made purple and red ones for me! Yay. I’ll get one tomorrow! Ooh, I needa write Tyler Duran a letter!! I need a picture of me to send him though.

SO WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR MY BIRTHDAY??? EVERYBODY COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT WE’RE DOING!!! lol. I wanna do at least SOMETHING. lol. I’ll be 15! So old, yet so young. I just talked to Jessica Alger on the phone for like 30 minutes. Aww. I miss that girl alot! She wants to go see a movie or something for my birthday…she’s coming to Life University, too, I think! Yay yay! Well I gotta go..comment me, lol. Help me get more than Seth! lol ttyl xoxo, hil*

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I’ve made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I’ve made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I’ve made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me