I’ll be the other hand that always holds the line connecting in between your sweet heart and mine

I’m thinking about an early Monroe trip tomorrow. Maybe with Mom & Sam. I’m not good at those trips anymore, though.
I’m only good at sad songs blaring in my ears.

My nights of happiness are over. I’ve spent many a night after work driving, just feeling the roads around this town. I’d light up a cigarette, turn up my music and just drive until I had to stop. Some nights, I wouldn’t get home for hours. But, those nights are basically over.

I’ve been thinking lately, you know. I love anything messed up..anything that has to fight…anything with problems. I love people with stories. I love people who have overcome depression, eating disorders, self injury. I love dealing with addicts. I love gay people. I love interracial relationships.. I love anyone different. Different is poetry.

Summer, summer, summer. It’ll be here before we know it.

I feel summer creeping in and I’m tired of this town again…

It’s so cold outside. o.O Isn’t it Spring?

I’m sitting here wondering why in the world Reeses are so amazing. I’ve never been the -biggest- fan of peanut butter really. I mean, it’s okay. I like it. I like peanut butter cookies, I like peanut butter & jelly. But reeses’ peanut butter is like heaven in your mouth, seriously. I love it! I cannot imagine life without it. I’m not even kidding.

I like sitting outside late at night with nothing more than a light, my hoodie and my iPod.

Tomorrow, if I go to Monroe, I’m going to buy a new camera.

I don’t know where I’m going with my life, but I sure hope it’s somewhere happy.

I officially hate him with my whole self. He texted me Friday night drunk as hell like always. Alcoholics are poor sad individuals. I’ve always wanted to just help him grow up, but I’m offered enough of myself. Now, I watch him suffer, I guess. It’s all I can do. He’s made me suffer enough.

I really miss Jeska. For the past few months, she’s been my everything. I just miss her being here, especially at night. I need someone to talk to. She always knows what to do. She knows when I need to talk or when I need to cry, sleep, laugh, bum a light, walk.

I’ve been feeling nervous all of the time. I keep just breaking and panicing over pointless things. I keep just having to tell myself to chill out and breathe. It’s okay, though, nothing I haven’t experienced a gazillion times before.

I’d been thinking about spending some time w some family members soon. But, without my car, it will be difficult. Now that I think about it, without my car, my whole life will be difficult.

I read for pleasure and it scares me you don’t. =]

I want to do something to make Jeff love me again like he used to. I know he still loves me. I just wish things weren’t so different. We spent two nights together driving with nothing in the way. I know he was upset. He mentioned it countless times, but I could never bring myself to ask what was going on. I want to know, I want to be there for him like he’s always been for me, but I’m so scared of rejection. I was scared of asking and him saying that he didn’t want to tell me or he didn’t want to talk about it.  

to feel alone is to be alone.

Funny how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.
Douglas Noel Adams

The best way out is always through.
–Robert Frost

I’m staying up all night with myself.
This used to be a really good feeling for me.
…But now I’m just getting depressed again.

I just need to get out of here for a while.

Since when have I needed an excuse to be who I am? Since when do I have to answer your questions? Since when are you asking me why? I don’t want someone telling me that the things I do are wrong. If I did, I’d tell my mother.

Hiding is such a lonely thing to do.

I want a companion. I want someone who I can sit on my porch with late at night and talk about theories of life, the universe and fate…

I think I’ve said enough for one night.