It was weird, but despite everything that’s happened to me, I still

believe that you can write a song and change someone’s life forever..” –Guitar Girl by Sarra Manning

There are three words that sum up my whole life. “You carried me.” It’s a major realization that I’ve had. It’s the only truth in life though. God has carried me through every single situation. It feels good to know that (:

I’m sitting up at 2:30 in the morning on a Saturday night. It’s funny because I have a five page research paper, a poster and presentation prep and a Physics test all on Monday morning. And tomorrow, I will stress all day long about every single thing…when I could be doing it all right now. I’m amazing at how I try to make my life stressful. The strange thing is…I’m not feeling as self-destructive as usual. It’s a kind of happy feeling. I also don’t really have any feelings at all, so maybe that’s worse, but who really knows anyway.

I heard once that a person doesn’t need human relationships to actually feel happy. And to some extent, I absolutely agree. God is the only thing I need-the only relationship. But, ohmygosh, I can not quit obsessing over how lonely I feel!

I’ve been just thinking and thinking about how much I need a new relationship in my life! I especially need someone to care for me. Someone who completely adores me and whom I also adore and we can be happy together. But also, it has completely struck me how I cannot even look twice (figuratively) at someone who isn’t terrible…someone who doesn’t curse excessively or make sexual jokes constantly. I wish it was different.

I finished Guitar Girl tonight. It was quite cute. I couldn’t believe it ended like it did, though. I mean, a lot of things got settled..but not everything. Well, I won’t spoil it for you. I’m thinking I might just spend the next year of my life like Emily Dickinson all by myself in the basement reading. I mean, I can have the internet so I can order books off of Ebay and I can contact the outside world. But, I like the book world..a little too much lately.  I am most definitely going to start buying books left and right. At least three a month (: I have a list! Oh, it’s SO long! I love love love reading.

 Alright, I’m through talking about whats on my mind. I really just needed to talk about something so that I didn’t explode into tiny pieces of ash and confetti all over my sister’s clean living room. It’s time to not sleep. Oh joy, I might possibly get three hours of sleep.