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oOoOo much has happened lately! I lead a very confusing and interesting life!
Jeff and Jeska basically told me that they didn’t want much to do with me, so I’m growing away from that ordeal honestly… it’s been really hard for me because I didn’t understand what was wrong with me and that’s been affecting a lot of things in my life, but I’m getting over all of that currently. I kept asking Sarah & Roy what was wrong with me. But they said nothing! Said it wasn’t my fault at all. I love them.. I hope it’s true.
OOB 1) I’ve been spending a lot of time with Roy. He’s become my absolute best friend in the last month. And it’s fun. He’s been ridiculously amazing to me and has been there for me through all of my rants and raves. [And there have been a LOT of those!]
OOB 2) I lost my cellphone -again-. I’m pretty mad because I think somebody stole it at Sonic and that really pisses me off. “She just lost it and wants to look cool.” haha! Thanks, Fishy!
OOB 3) As of yesterday, I quit Sonic. Lance got fired the night before and when I woke up, I knew I couldn’t go back so I called her up and quit! I feel -so- free!! I was tired of being in “PARADISE!!” hahaha.
OOB 4) Rusty and Morgan are back together!! Whenever I found out, I had a slight panic attack…In fact, I think I quit breathing for a little bit. I freaked the hell out. Whenever I chilled out, I just got really mad. But now I’m over it, haha.
So let’s see…what have I been doing? I stayed with my Samantha the night after the senior night at church. I had a long, jungle juice’d night at Amber Silvie’s and made out with Roy. I went swimming at Amber’s aunt’s house and saw this snake child on youtube. I watched Enchanted w/ Melissa, Roy & Harrison and then stayed the night at Mel’s. I went to Monroe with Lance, Nathan & Jeska and got donuts! Roy & I went and saw What Happens in Vegas and stayed the night at Sarah’s, dyed my hair, watched 13 going on 30 & played Disney Trivial Pursuit. ^_^ Earlier, I went and ate McDonalds with Catfish for lunch and I’d totally missed hanging out with him. Tonight, I went over to Justin Carr’s w/ Matt & Eric! Fishy, Jessica Girod & Roy met us over there and we all hung out. Eric drank a lot of beer-lol. He always drinks so much, it’s hilarious. I dropped a cigarette into my shirt. It was quite painful.
Tomorrow, I’m going to Monroe to buy a bathing suit and I’m going to the lake w/ Melissa, Kaylin, Roy & a bunch of other people from Thursday – Sunday! I’m nervous because there’s going to be a lot of crazy things going on there. But, I have more self control than I show. Kaylin is so stoked that I’m going and I’m so ready to spend a couple days with her! She said we have to have a long talk..and i’m scared, haha.
I should probably be really worried about losing Jeff and Jeska because I mean, they’ve been my everything for two freaking years. I do care, but I’m honestly thinking I’m doing the best thing by not bothering them into keeping friends w/ me. If they aren’t interested, there’s no reason I should be. I can’t keep living for other people! I am making myself happy right now and I love it! I love having a bunch of random friends to hang out with! I love not being confined like I have been! I’m freaking happy right now. Even if sometimes I get caught on not understanding. I put my head on Roy’s shoulder tonight and told him that the only thing that made me happy was my cigarettes. haha. That’s not true though. As much as I love my smoking breaks, I love who I’m smoking with the most! 🙂
Xanga 
I’m really really really glad you are happy. I’m pretty jealous though. lol
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Roy & Sarah are right……there is absolutley nothing wrong with you. Life is crazy and people come and go so quickly. Friendships fade and dreams change. You just have to do what your are doing currently-make yourself happy. That’s the most important thing. That’s really all that matters at the end of the day. You have to be happy with yourself. Remember that ultimatley there is a reason for everything under the sun. I think you probably are doing the right thing. You can’t force someone to stay in your life. I’ve never learned that so easy. I fight it and fight it and hold on as long as possible and end up hurt. That’s happened on more than one occasion. But you get it and that’s great. Whatever life brings~let it be<3 First and foremost, keep yourself happy. I love you to the moon and back. I’m glad we’ve lasted 5 years. =) I hope we’re friends til we’re old ladies in nursing homes racing wheel chairs and wearing floppy hats telling grandkids “oh we’ve been friends since before you were born!” Have fun at the lake! You should stay with me again Sunday night. You can help me pack. lol No seriously-I think u should just come stay with me and tell me about the lake cuz I know there will be stories. lol We can talk about life. ^-^ I love you!
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