remember: the smell of grass. smiles. car rides. family. good relationships. bad relationships. the ocean breeze. quotes. art. music. the feeling of victory. the acceptance of loss. sun on your skin. conversations. the glow of the moon in a parking lot. compliments. childhood friends. current friends. falling alseep next to someone. books. sitting around a fire. climbing trees. sunsets. sunrises. dissapointments. miracles. crying. kissing. love. loss. the past.

I have such a fear of rejection. My friends could all probably point out specific examples of how I fear it so. Especially him. Whenever I say anything even remotely sexual and he doesn’t respond quickly, I say “Or not.” or “Just kidding.” Or throw something else out there real quick-like. It’s a terrible pain.

And he knows. Sometimes he’ll act like I didn’t say anything and will skip to whatever else I’ve thrown out. Or not respond at all.

So, exbestfriend & Eric are ‘together’. I wish that didn’t send me into such obnoxious laughter. At least I’m home alone to where I can crack my shit up in private. [It’s so fucking funny.] I honestly feel bad though. Jes has been lonely a long time and has wanted someone. Especially someone to help her get over him. And Eric has, as well. But he is going to get attached very quickly. And if you’ve seen Jeska’s previous track record. I.E. Kyle.. She may not last long. But I hope they do. =] It’s going to be some funny shit though. I think they’re a lot of alike. They’re both relatively deep and have really good taste in music. And without Jeska’s girls, he doesn’t have to worry about her being anything close to Jessica and Hilary. And plus, they both have a lot of fucked up shit to work on. No downing either of them, though. I have more fucked up shit in my life than they’d ever imagine. -_-

“If you let me sleep in your bed, I’ll buy your movie ticket.” “You know you’re always welcome to stay here luv. Even when I have a girl over and we’re naked in the bed, you’re still welcome.” -Ugh-

I need you, Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go? There’s no other name by which I am saved. Capture me with grace. I will follow you.