So..

check it.

High school is over.

 

Eric Olden is either in love with me…or he does that to everyone when he’s drunk.

It’s nice to be engaged.

I sleep better at night.

“Is she an angel fish?” “Yes!!” “Now you’re just stealing mine. I said she was an angel fish!”

“I love you baby girl. I love you.” “I think we’ve covered this.”

 

Happy mother’s day.

The posse burnt school uniforms last night. They hold my heart.

Roy got a new car, Zoe. We drove her 105 last night. Amazing 🙂

And inside you’re ugly..ugly like me.

Physics is over.

World History is over.

Going to buy my graduation dress today.

Fell asleep in a closet seventh hour.

So yeah, that’s whats up.

I’m going to miss my babies

…I’ve already cried too much.

Jodi Albritton loves me. I miss her. Haven’t seen her in ages.

I miss my annoying little brother to pieces.

Been sending out grad invitations a few every day.

Talked it up w/ nikki today. Reallyreallyreallyreally miss her.

Think this could be any more us?

A lot of you have been asking about prom.

So here’s the story.

I woke up very excited and my sister helped me get ready all day after I picked up Fish’s flower and me some coffee. About 3, Roy came over and we took a few pics. Then, Jessica Girod came over followed by Jody, Fish, Jeff, Jeska and Penguin. I took pics w the family and Grandmother and everybody. Katelyn came over and we did pics too. Finally we left about 430. I rode with Fish, Jessica & Penguin. Whenever we go to Monroe, they informed me they weren’t eating Red Lobster as was planned. So, I got them to drop me off and they went to eat Chinese. I was PISSED. I had to pay for my own damn food and everything! I was so upset. But I ate with Jeff and Jeska and was happy.

The actual prom was fun for me. Fish didn’t have a good time, but I really enjoyed myself. I danced with a buncha kids && it was fun times. Everybody was gorgeous 🙂

Afterwards, Jessica drove me around and then I went to the holidome with Jeff, ‘Ska & Kolter. We hung out lalala fun fun fun. Went to Raising Canes at 3 am-lol. But Jeska was falling asleep and I was bored and watching Jarhead, so Kateland, Amber & Allison(Ithink?) came and got me at like 430! We drove out to this graveyard in the middle of nowhere and they were all really scared because there was a fire burning in the middle of it and stuff, lols. I guess I wasn’t scared bc I havent heard all of the stories, but it was fun nevertheless! I stayed at Amber’s and then Amanda & Kateland brought me home the next day.

I’ll post pics later.

Got to hang w Hillary for Cinco de Mayo last night. She brought me Draven and i was so happy, tehe. ^_^

Kaylin called last night. I hope to get to see her tomorrows! Maybe!!

I’ve been crying/sad about graduation. Three more days at the HS. Two real days bc Friday doesn’t count. I am sooooooooo sad.

Buy me presents.

I turned in my memory book yesterday. Oh yeah. Stayed up all night working on it. Taking shots of espresso and talking to Kaylin on the phone =]

I’ve got to go to bed. This zapping bug light makes me too reminiscent.

I cried the whole way home. I hate thinking about stuff like that.

Oh my, I love Hillawy! Can’t wait to see her.

Prom is SATURDAY!

I bought two dresses last night and my prom jewelry.

Oh can we run away and live in Venice on the currency of young love?

Work is stressful!

I saw Ariel today! Yay! I love her.

It’s so funny how fast people change.

I told Jeff I’d be good on prom night. I need to be. I mean, come on. But I’m the good girl even when I’m being not so good.

Everything is closing off well, methinks.

If you wanna be honest, most things are really sucking for me right now.

I only have 11 days of school left and it’s not soon enough and also way too fastly approaching. I have to finish my memory book in six days and it’s not even halfway assembled. I’m really stressed about that. I don’t have enough time because I work pretty often. But now, I can’t quit my job until I start college.

Last night, I wrecked the cavalier. I was driving around with Jeska in Monroe and I was turning around because I didn’t know where we were and I was ready to come home… There was a lot of traffic out, so I was waiting patiently. The outside traffic lane stopped and one guy was going to let me out. I waited for a minute to see if anybody was coming and on my side they weren’t. So, I looked to the guy to see if anybody was coming that way. He motioned for me to pull out, so I did. That guy was an idiot though. Somebody was coming and they rammed right into my car. It was really scary. I really thought I was dead this time. I probably should’ve been. But luckily, Jeska and I were both fine. Also, the guy who ran into me was fine. Thank God. He was really nice about it and kept telling me it was okay and everything was going to be fine. But he was like, “You know..I just washed this car.” haha. At the end he said, “Seriously love, don’t worry about it. I was looking for a reason to get rid of this anyway.” The cops were terrible to me and I was so upset. Amber and Andrea showed up to console me and I reallllly appreciated that.

But now I’m without a vehicle..and it’s just..sad. I can’t get to and from work or school. I’ll never get to be alone again. *cries*

I skipped school on Tuesday w/ Jeska & Megan. We went to Alexandria with Ariel and played in the mall and hobby lobby all day. I bought Dazed and Confused and Blow, two of my FAVORITE movies!Whenever we went to Walmart, Sam saw us..and she told my sister on me? I know, it’s pretty dumb. And it hurt my feelings! I don’t understand why someone would do that to their best friend? Who knows! But it’s cool, ya know. My sister hasn’t told on me yet, but she is holding it over my head..it sucks a lot.

He’s my biggest downfall and I don’t know why.

I’ve been really upset and let down and lonely lately. Been crying myself to sleep most nights and at random times during the day. Any time I get free time at school, I fall asleep. I’m just unhappy. Like when I told Will that Sam told on me, he was like..wow..like you don’t have enough shit going on already! And it’s true..but some people don’t necessarily understand things like that. But, it’s really nothing I can do! Just avoid those situations, I guess.

I sat with Jeska during a panic attack yesterday. I feel so bad for her when she has them because they suck so much.

Jeska was riding with me the other day and she said “” and it made me smile.

I’m tired of being judged <.<;; People who used to “love me through anything and nothing would hinder that” are like being extremely horrid to me! Except for Jody and Rusty and Justin Primm. I’ve been talking to them off and on every 5 seconds for the last 2 days ish. They make me feel better. All three of them hate when I smoke..but you know, they don’t judge me for it. They love me anyway. I like people like that. =]

Jeska talked to me about how I should be myself around everyone day before yesterday. Hah. Maybe we can learn that lesson together?

 

 

Now come one, come all
to this tragic affair
wipe off that make-up-what’s in it’s dispair
so throw on the black dress
mix in with the lot
you might wake up and notice
you’re someone you’re not

If you look in the mirror
and don’t like what you see
you can find out firsthand
what it’s like to be me
so gather ’round piggies
and kiss this goodbye
I’d encourage your smiles
I’ll expect you wont cry

AHHHHHH! AHHHHHH!
AHHHHHH! AHHHHHH!

Another contusion,my funeral jag
here’s my resignation.I’ll serve it in drag
You’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball
When i grow up i want to be nothing at all!
I said

YEAH! YEAH! I SAID-YEAH! YEAH!

C’mon c’mon c’mon I said Save me!
get me the hell out of here!
Too young to die and my dear you cant!
If you can hear me just walk away and take me!

 

I’ve gotten so used to doing things by myself that I really enjoy it. I went shopping alone today! I really loved it. I just like being on my own and driving around Monroe by myself. I’m so READY for college and that freedom! I need new excuses! Staying with Jeska just doesn’t work on my Mom anymore! I need one pretty soon because I just recently (like 10 min ago) got news from the amazing Matt Champagne. =] He wants to party with me! That makes me SO happy. Just getting to be in the same ROOM as him makes me CRAZY HAPPY!

Happy 4-20, all you potheads. ^_^

Now I’m off to work on my invitations!!!

Me off tomorrow! tehe ^_~

I’ve had a really long day. Goooooodness.

 I worked on grad. invites today but I didn’t get much accomplished. I went over to Jeska’s and took care of Jessica until work. In fact, I really hope she’s still alive. Poor baby. I’ma text her now.

Work was really slow but steady the first part of the day. I went on break and guess who I ran into! MATT CHAMPAGNE! I almost DIED! Seriously couldn’t believe it. He sat with me for a little bit while he waited on his food and we caught up =] He’s so beautiful.. I didn’t want him to leave. Before he gets married, I wanna party with Matt Champagne. (: Please?

After break, I wanted to kill somebody. It was terrible. Lance and Kristin started crying and I was so pissed that me, Lance and Jon went outside to take the trash out ‘cuz we couldn’t breath in that bitch. I was seriously hyperventilating. EVERYTHING was just CRAP. Nobody was doing ANYTHING! Especially SETH! And we were SO busy. 

Sighs. The struggles makes you stronger. Nights like this when some people actually appreciate me (like Kristin and Lance. Only.) are the nights that make me not want to quit ya know. I mean, just because I’m going to work this summer doesn’t mean I won’t have fun with Kristin and Lance! lol. And I can always get time off if I ask in advance. Just no random trips. We’ll see tho!

I was going to go over to Kristin’s tonight, but you know my mom doesn’t let me do anything. With good reasoning but o well! Eighteen is good. I’m ready for my lip.

 

So this week hasn’t been bad at all!

Wednesday, Jeska and I went up to big sisters and hung out with the brothers for a while. Kristie Dial showed up and asked them questions about if they liked us and stuff…questions that really tick me off! Just because she comes and evaluates our time together like TWICE..doesn’t mean she knows how we get along and what goes on between us! That night, I went to Sonic and hung out with Kristin & John for ever.

Thursday was our concert! Jeska and I had no idea how to get to the concert location, so Kaylin’s friend BJ found us! haha. He’s great! They showed up and led us to the place and we stood in line with Lance for like two hours. We were on the floor, but not at the front, so it was kinda lame. Phantom Planet was AWESOME. Whenever they sang California, EVERYBODY sang along and it was amazing. The Hush Sound was good..I only caught the beginning and ending of their performance because I went outside to smoke with Kaylin and BJ. Motion City Soundtrack was completely amazing. I really enjoyed them. Panic! at the Disco was last…I HAD SO MUCH FUN PANIC!ING! haha. Whenever they sang Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have without taking her clothes off, I freakkkked out. It was SO GREAT! Whenever they sang I Write Sins Not Tragedies, we all panic!d and then left.

We went to Waffle House and ate with Lance ‘n Kyle..and whenever we were done, we sat outside and smoked with Kaylin and BJ…went and bought cigarettes and then finally left Ruston about 1215.

Last night, I worked until 11:30 and then came home. Kristin was supposed to come over but I was so tired..I just told her to come over next weekend. Sarah came over about 12:30 and we smoked and talked for a while. I’d forgotten how much I love Sarah. We stopped being friends because she was messing with Roy and my friendship. But now that is all over. And I miss her. I’m going over to her house tonight to scrapbook and get a little crazy..if you know what I mean.. 

I know you don’t like me smoking..but I’d appreciate it if you just wouldn’t always express your opinion about it. I’m a big girl and can make my own decisions. I love that you care about me..but it’s gonna be okay.

She smokes like there’s no tomorrow;; She says it makes her feel alive. She drinks her wine like water ’cause she feels dry inside. She drives her car like it’s a bullet;; She says that time is slipping away. She never thinks about her future… It’s a million miles away.

 

How do you make a robot fall in love with you?

 

it’s kind of fun to do the impossible.
-walt disney

What do you do when you realize you’re the girl you promised yourself you’d never be?

I miss my best friends, but I’m quite content. I wanted new friends and hey–I got them! What unlikely people though! I mean, me and Lance? You’re kidding! Dude, I love Lance tho! I mean, we’re going to the concert together on Thursday-lol. My mom is totally gonna flip when she hears this! I wish Priya was going..that makes me soOo sad. She’s begging her mom! I NEED Priya to come with!!! PRAYING!

19 days of HS, YEAH! I’m so scared…but so so so so so ready for that money to start rolling in! Please begin sending whenever you’re ready! Invitations will go out as soon as I get my pictures to mail! (:

I miss miss miss miss miss miss miss Je’skaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. DUDE!

I’ll get to hang w/ her from Wed-weekend methinks. (:

I left my wallet at Sonic tonight, haha. Lance got it for me. It was SO slow tonight…booooorrrrrriiiiinnnngggg. I tried a lot of weird drinks and stuff. And made blasts for everybody.

Omg, we found a SNAKE in Sonic! A BABY RATTLE SNAKE! It was too cool. SCARY, but cool!

I love everyone now. I’m SO pumped about life and school and work and everything everyday!

Plus, JESUS LOVES ME! All that MATTERS!

DIET DIET DIET DIET. I ate ice cream tonight..and a grilled chicken wrap. I’m SO LAME! No more Sonic starting TOMORROW!

I think I forgot I had Myspace?

I’m rereading my Kurdt book. (: