When autumn comes,
It doesn’t ask
It just walks right in,
Where you left it last
&& you never know when it starts,
Until there’s fog inside the glass
Around your summer heart.

I got my Radiohead cds earlyyy. I like free stuff.

My Grandmother isn’t feelin so well. Pray for her.

I’m so glad it’s finally October. This is my favorite month ever. Everything worth happening happens in October. ❤ 

Do you think a person can develop close relationships through the Internet? Why or why not? Absolutely! I’ve seen it happen. I’ve EXPERIENCED it. I became friends with Will, Eric & a lot of those kids mainly through the internet. But I did see them in person…(not that I talked to them in person, lol.) So anyway, I’ve developed a close relationship with Dawn and I love her to deaaath. Her birthday is in 2 days, zomg! ❤

Its something that just kinda happens
as you grow up. It becomes less important
to have more friends and more important
to have real ones. x3

I mean, there are times when you have no clue what to say to someone, no clue how to end their pain, but to give them a hug, it doesn’t take away the pain, doesn’t make the problem go away, but it gives them this little ounce of hope, that makes it all okay, just for one moment

seventeen is just a test
yeah and I would recommend
that you live with no regrets
and even if it seems like the world is crashing on you,
you shouldn’t let it hold you down
shouldn’t hold you back.

I basically suck at this life thing.

The Julie thing is settled.

I get lots of Radiohead CDs on Tuesday. Oh baby//

I’ll never let you see the way my broken heart is hurting me. I got my pride and I know how to hide all my sorrow and pain. I’ll do my crying in the rain. If I wait for stormy skies, you won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes. You’ll never know that I still love you so. Though the heartaches remain, I’ll do my crying in the rain. Raindrops falling from the heaven could never take away my misery. But since we’re not together, I pray for stormy weather to hide these tears that I hope you never see. Someday when my crying’s done, I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun. I may be a fool but until then, darling, you’ll never see me complain. I’ll do my crying in the rain. I’ll do my crying in the rain. I’ll do my crying in the rain. I’ll do my crying in the rain.

M-hm. A-ha. My head freaking hurts. A lot.

 

 

Psalm 51

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
       and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 11 Do not cast me from your presence
       or take your Holy Spirit from me.

 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
       and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
       and sinners will turn back to you.

This weekend has been the best. Me and Jeff majorly chilllllaxed on Friday night. We managed to ride around in Susie for 2 hours. We ended up at his house watching Family Guy and looking at pictures of Steven. Yesterday..was so long. I woke up at like SEVEN FREAKING THIRTY and went to the carwash. It was horribleeee work. haha The best time was the last 20 minutes sitting inside with Jeff & Kolter eatin’ chicken nuggets. Mm-mm. About 2:45, me and Jeff left for Monroe. We went to Antique Alley, Goodwill & the mall. All I bought was a new music=life bracelet from Hot Topic and a movie ticket and another shoesandwichpizzafoodthing. Eew. We went and saw Good Luck Chuck. It was a lot of boob-age. I didn’t really like that, but the love story part..was pretty great. Awww..penguin pebbles!!! Was that Phil Collins? HAHA And there was this girl with 3 boobs! LOL. It was way funny. When we got home from Monroe, I asked Jeff 195639 trivia questions and then I took him home. I talked to Jeska and I miss her! She’s down south with her familia and alcoholics. Rar. Church was good today. I sat with Rachel & Dock and Bro Todd preached. But for now, I’m about to go eat at Grandmother’s.

There’s nothing more valuable than having someone in your life that reminds you of who you are.
 – America Ferrera

Ohhh yeah, Sam is mad at me. And…it’s basically stupid. And kind of makes me laugh. Because it’s that stupid.

I miss you still.
You leave me behind every time you walk a step
& it seems like you’re a mile away.
But I’d walk a thousand miles for you.
I’ll do anything for you if you ask me to,
because you’re worth more than my life,
worth more than anything I know of.
On days like today, I feel so close to you
& I hope this feeling never goes away.

 

I have an A on my report card in Calculus! It’s a fake A, but WHATEVER, I’m downnn. My calc class is supportive and lovely. We totally helped Primm’s grade go from a C to a B! That makes me happy. I’m eatin’ an apple..it’s yummy. It’s kind of yellow and red at the same time. Jeska looks like a Chiquita sticker. After school today, me & Jeff trekked up to the SBO to steal some money from Mom and then we went to his house. Jeska stayed at school randomly. I don’t get it. sighs. And then we had speech practice. I’m so nervous…it’s really hard to be Faye. Seriously. She’s an intense character. I have to start MEMORIZING. Me and Jeska got our duo piece today. It’s Adam & Eve!! haha..yeah, I’m Eve.

I met Will at Fred’s today and dropped off my computer for him to fix and my ipod for him to pimp. Hopefully that works out well for him. I’m so ready to listen to Alison by Stereofuse….seriously. I’m still rather confused on the RK concert. I think I’m going..but I’m still making sure. The only thing I have to do tonight is write an article on Jeff..that should be simple. And the carwash & fair will take up my Saturday! YAY!! haha. Okay, bye!

What’s your record for consecutive hours spent listening to an iPod – and what were you doing? Eight hours. Sleeping. haha

 

 

I didn’t go to school today. I basically felt horrible. I feel better though. I finished my book this morning while I was trying to sleep and couldn’t. At the moment, I’m listening to Radiohead. They’re actually pretty good..all those times I made fun of Leon…hmm. I skipped school on this day last year. I remember it exactly like it was yesterday. I’m not really as lame & low as I usually am during September. It’s been a good one, I think. I’m so ready for the fair and concerts and October and scary movies and Halloween..okay, I’m done. I’m just going to post icons, alright?

“Every song ends, but that’s no reason not to enjoy the music.” -The O.C

“The art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means.”-Sir Henry Taylor

Rar. I should be reading. I have about 200 pages left in Uglies. It’s actually getting better. I’m way interested and I think I’m in love with David. Maybe. :] So today was a blast. Me and Jeff got to skip out 6th hour and ride around town delivering newspapers to businesses. ❤ And making people have mail!! YAY. Yep, jailtimeee.

I got to eat with Eric, JJ & Will today! I just had forgotten how much I loved those kids. And plus, Eric & JJ click really well and I get along really well with Will, so it was just lots of good times. I really had fun. Manslaughter. 🙂 haha

So..I got an ipod today. It used to be Tiffany’s so that’s pretty funny. I’m in the middle of deleting her crazy mess off of it. Silly rap songs. I must applaud her though. We have similar taste in music. It’s interesting. Prolly Eric’s doings. lol

A lot of good concerts are coming up that I’m excited about. Mercy Me, Willie Nelson, Relient K&Switchfoot, 12 stones&Hinder, & Shoutfest! Ohhhhhhh buddy. <33 Concerts=Love…

we live on front porches and swing life away,
we get by just fine here on minimum wage,
if love is a labor i’ll slave till the end.
i won’t cross these streets,
until you hold my hand

My uncle wasn’t feeling well tonight. He really needs your prayers. Plus, there’s another family situation thats going on with another aunt & uncle & children of mine..soo they also need prayers.

I watched you change with the seasons, I wrote you letters but I forgot to mention that I’m a wreck, I’m a mess, you’re a stranger. Watch your face fade away now I’m stuck here.

School is kicking my buttttt right now. Jeff really helped me with the Physics homework tonight, but AH! I can’t draw people!

How do you handle stress? I don’t handle it very well. Whenever I’m stressed, I like to sleep a lot and listen to music. But I suck at stress. I’m a panzy girl about it.

Jeff likes to drink hummingbird water.

Stop being frightened.
You only see a monster because they want you to see monsters everywhere.
They’ve conditioned you to look for monsters in every shadow, every coat hung on every door.
As long as we keep seeing monsters, we’ll continue to need protection and that’s how other people get to control our lives.

 

The lake was really relaxing. But I’m exhausted. No idea why. Friday, we pretty much chilled..walked down to the boat dock and talked, read a little bit in our books on the pier and ate grilled hamburgers with Mom & Dad. We were in bed by 11:30. Actually, we were looking through the yearbook and somebody randomly banged on our window..and we SCREAMED!! They ran away though pretty quickly because we never found out who it was.

Saturday, we didn’t wake up until like 11. Or I didn’t anyway. We ate breakfast, shaved and cleaned house until Aunt Sharon & Grandmother showed up. Then, we pretended to go fishing for like 12 seconds until Rachel & Dock got there.. We decided to go to the beach, so we did that and people watched for an hour or so. Mom and Dad cooked a lot of food, so we went back and ate that in the middle of the road. We chillllled for a while and then ended up going back to the beach and reading/sleeping/people watching more. It started raining and JESKAAA WAS BEING A PANZZZYY..(hehe just kidding love!) so we went back to the cabin & fished a little more. We never caught anything! The remainder of the evening was spent layin’ around and sittin’ on the pier. We read a lotttt out loud and went to bed.

This morning, we went back down to the pier and then got ready to come home. We really didn’t wanna leave at all. I wasn’t that glad to be home. I haven’t been exactly “productive” since I’ve been home, but I’ve been doing things I like to do. First, I finished reading Bless Me, Ultima. I cried. Next, I cleaned my room and organized my DVDs and books. Then, I watched Invincible. It was a really good movie. Now, I’m watching Shrek 2. At some point, I’ve got to wash clothes and clean out my car. There’s sand EVERYWHERE!!!! Way lame. And there’s no more peanut butter cookies. So I’m sad. lol. Oh yeah, my dad shot a freaking snake’s head off earlier. It was tiiiiiiiight.

I’m off to take a nap or read Uglies. Catch you on the flip side.

 

Me & Jeska are about to hit up Caney Lake.

I’m uuuuuuuuber excited, ya dig?

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..I focus on the pain, the only thing thats real.

I need to get away from this place.

I can’t believe it happened. Marvin’s funeral is tomorrow.

Don’t blink.

I’m gonna lay outttttt for like hours until I’m brown and my book is over and my life is in order.

And I’m gonna eat until my heart is full and my belly is happy. Oh yes.

The best part is…I’ll have ZERO communication to anybody and their petty drama mess. Don’t bother talking to me until Sunday night. I probably won’t talk back.

So Oprah didn’t come to Jena. But she is the love of my life woman wise besides Kate Hudson, so..go away.

What do you think about the Jena 6? I think it’s ridiculous. I think that the white boys should have been punished more severely..possibly even a hate crime. And Michael shouldn’t have been tried as an adult, but it’s all stupid! White people, black people, we’re all the same. So quit being racist. Racist people are below so many people in my mind. I hate racist people. GRRRRR!

 some people live in memories
but then there’s the other people
that make their world
revolve around those memories.

you know i’d fight for you
but how can i fight someone
who isn’t even there.
–O-Town

“if you ain’t gonna live fo’ something, you best must die fo’ something”–Tupac.

 

xoxoxoxoxoxox, hil*

What do you spend most of your money on? Route 44 Sweet Teas from Sonic, $1.97 books from BAMM!, random things from Hot Topic, cards.

Saturday, I hung out with Bubba & Shae & my sister all evening. It was pretty fun. Sunday, I chilled at Jeska’s with her & Jeff and chillaxed, went to church & such. Gary Sheppard sang at our church that night and I swear, the whole service was crackin’ me up! If he wasn’t singing funny songs, he was singing funny. lol. I was just dying of laughter. I sat with Rachel and I thought Mom was gonna have to take us outside, haha. Not my fault he sings higher than I do! Monday..me and Jeska went to Monroe to pick up my glasses. We ate at Fazoli’s and I bought 4 books at Books A Million. I got Guitar Girl, Fat Camp, Catch & Rules of the Road. I hope they’re good! But It’ll be ages before I get to start reading them! I have a huge stack of books to read. I love to read. It’s basically my favorite thing in all of the world ❤ I’m still reading Bless Me, Ultima..It’s really amazing, but it’s hard to read..so it’s taking me forever. Then, I have to finish Uglies!

always smile through the drama,
cause things will get better.
it might be cold & stormy now,
but it cant rain forever.

Yesterday, we found out about Marvin’s wreck and spent the whole day really confused about his condition. I haven’t heard anything since yesterday. Last time I heard, he still wasn’t coming to, but he was breathing on his own. I’m just prayin’ for him. It really hurts to think of him being up there in the hospital. You never think somebody you’ve gone to school with for so long can ever get hurt. You pretty much think everybody is invincible. I mean, not that anything of this directs to his situation, but you see all of your classmates who even if you’re not close to, you still love because they’re a part of your history and you see them out on Friday nights drinkin’ and drivin’ and you know how dangereous of lives they’re livin…but you never think something could happen to them. I was thinking about when Rachel was in highschool or a little afterwards, she lost two of her really good friends. It’s just so sad…People shouldn’t die young. It just shouldn’t happen. Ever.

I made a 92 on my Physics test today..so that’s good, I guess. I have to write an article about Jody & Jesika’s pets by Friday..if I remember. Speech tomorrow! YAY! And I’m spending the weekend at the lake! Super wow. I’m pretty excited about that, I guess. I don’t know if Jeska is going with me or not, but even if she doesn’t, it’s gonna be fun. And relaxing. Way relaxing. I’m glad I survived today. I was pretty dang stressed about Physics and those current events that were quite laughable.

I wish I could meet Jesse Jackson. And Oprah if she actually comes tomorrow. I wish I was black so I could go to the rally and support those guys. I’m on their side, anyway. Silly racist white folks! So I wanted to go over there tomorrow, but my Mom is scared I’d die. I probably would get shot. But it’d be fun. It might make history. You guys better go! lol. Anyway, I’m out like a light. Cha-ching. xoxo, hil*

 

What’s the funniest joke you know? What do you call somebody else’s cheese? …..NACHO CHEESE!!!

Fridays are the best, so yesterday was perfect! School went by pretty fast and I didn’t have to pick up Austin, so that was nice. I went by Mrs. Beth’s office and she paid me 30 dollars for the 3 days I picked him up.  So I spent it right away! lol. No, but I did go to Sonic and spend like 10 dollars on us. After that, we pretty much just chilled in Jeska’s room. We watched youtube videos and random stuff. Me & Jeff practiced our speech piece.. I love it. ❤ I just hope I can pull it off. I think it might’ve been Tara’s piece. I’m sooo nervous already that I can’t act. Sure, I’m dramatic..but can I act? Who knows. We’ll just have to see, I guess. The piece is very dramatic..and sad.

The game was fun. We lost 8-6..but it was fun. I saw Danielle!! We should definitely hang out more. She looked so cute in her pink scrubs!! haha. ❤ My mom asked my sister if I was sitting with the emo kids. What a nice thing to ask. I wish people would quit calling me emo. Seriously, it’s annoying. Then she asked why I wasn’t friends with the other types of people..and I was like MOM..AHHH! lol. No seriously, they’re just not as friendly. I love my random kids because they’re random and they’re friendly and I just pretty much feel like I get along with them and like I belong with them. It’s so weird though. Last night, I was sitting there with Travis Harnar and all his lil friends and I was thinking…four years ago, I was sitting up here with Rusty & all of his friends. Crazy weird, I say. But anyway.

After the game, we rode around for a while and then we hung out at Jeska’s until 11:30 or something. It’s funny how I rarely stay out to midnight now that it’s my curfew. I’m gettin’ old. Hmm. Sam is home but she’s babysitting so we can’t hang out..that makes me sad. I hope I get to hang out with my sister today. So I’m about to go call Jeska and then Jeff and then Rachel and make plans for tonight. So i’mmmmm out.

xoxo, hil*