Are you photogenic? Do you like having your picture taken?

I can take a good picture now and then, but no, I’m not photogenic. I don’t like people taking my picture, but when I’m in control of the camera, I am a complete camera whore. No denying that.

It’s been a rainy day. Hurricane Humberto (random name?) is bringing us some hard rain, but I’m lovin’ it. The only thing I don’t like is the bottom of my pants getting wet..that’s so annoying! Seriously. Anyway, school was alright, I’d say. We got our CS books again..which makes me sad. I was happy being bored online. I’m misunderstanding Physics completely right now..so that’s really lame. Other parts of my school day are…eh. Mrs. Folds hasn’t been there this week..and I’m tired of workbook work. I don’t KNOW a synonym for consensus! Leave me alone! ❤

The BETA meeting was at 3:15 and I wanted to speed up time and make Mrs. Boredelon quit talking about nothing over over.  The speech meeting lasted until almost 5:00..but it was funnnnn. We voted for officers. Roy got president, Seth got VP and Kimberly got secretary! YAY!! And then I took Kori home..in the crazy rain.

So I’ve been thinking…I’ll probably go to Tech..and probably get a major in Psych…and a minor in English..sounds about right for me anyway. Well I’m gonna go..not much else to say. LOVE YOU!!

|Wake me up| ♥ when [September] ends

Peace, Love & Sunshine, xoxo, hil*

On this day six years ago, I was sitting in Mrs. Whitten’s classroom spending my day as any other normal day as a 6th grader at Grayson Elementary. In New York City, terrorist planes were striking the twin towers. Panic throughout our country was rising just as rapidly as the twin towers were falling. When Mrs. Pam came to bring us the news about America being invaded, I remember the feelings I had as if it was yesterday. I was terribly frightened and mournful for the loss of so many brave Americans. But mostly, I remember the most distinct feeling there was was how lost I felt. I was so confused..I felt like everything I had ever known was being torn away from me..my protection, my security, it was crumbling more and more with every second that went by.

Today, on the 6th year reunion of 9/11, as I remember how I felt on that day, my heart goes out to all of the Americans who lost loved ones..parents who lost children, children who lost parents, husbands who lost wives, sisters who lost brothers, whatever the situation might be. My heart goes out to every single family.

Everybody, take a moment to just thank God for sparing your life and your family. And say a prayer for every family that has lost someone close. I know it’s been six years, but I know it still hurts. There’s still heartache for the loss.

Another thing I’ll proudly say..is I love America. I’m so blessed to have been born in the Land of the Free. ❤

American Girls and American Guys
We’ll always stand up and salute
We’ll always recognize
When we see Old Glory Flying
There’s a lot of men dead
So we can sleep in peace at night
When we lay down our head

My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Until the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy
In the land of the free.

Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flyin’ in
From somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world
Like the 4th of July

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty
Started shakin’ her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, it’s gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom
Start ringin’ her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
‘Cause we’ll put a boot in your ass
It’s the American way

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty
Started shakin’ her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, it’s gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom
Start ringin’ her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

I’d answer your question, love, if the music wasn’t so loud. because with the music blasting in my ears, I can’t think. goodnight, my love.

I got my girltime last night. I actually was in a horrible mood until I got to Jeska’s. Family got fish plates from Grayson Seafood and I almost got in a wreck because I was so stressed out. I hate construction work. Columbia isn’t Columbia anymore..I miss my old town. Sonic people gave me a Cherry Limeade instead of a sweet tea and it was actually a blessing in disguise. It was verrrrrrrry good esp. with the red bull! Me, Mrs Vickie & Jeska rode around last night like old times..and it made me very happy. We were all singing “When You Say Nothing At All” and my heart was full of happiness. During major girl time, we pretended to watch The Devil’s Rejects..*shudders* It’s such a Rob Zombie movie..but I seriously love it. I watched best TV and movie kisses on youtube because I’m a hopeless romantic like that and watched lots of SIMS videos. Ahaha. ❤

I didn’t go to church this morning because I felt completely horrible..but I’m going tonight. I feel like I need to do something productive. My body is sore and I’m basically exhausted. I’ve lately realized how much joy updating Xanga brings me though. I think I’m going to lay down or maybe read a little bit of Uglies so I can start Bless Me Ultima.

♥♥♥

I recieved a box of eye makeup from my Aunt Andrea..which is amazing. It has a heated eyelash curler and everything. I’m so excited. I was telling Rachel that I was grown up. “Used to, I’d  look at eye shadow and think..man, I could look really abused with this. And now, I look at it and say..that’d look amazing on my eyes.” When did I turn into such a girl?

I’m trying to beg my Mom into letting me go to Voodoo Fest. I think I have the money right now, but I won’t be able to buy Christmas presents, lol. Honestly though, if Mrs Beth keeps paying me like she is, I’ll have the money after 3 weeks. ❤ But I can’t babysit for the next three weeks because Mr. Paul is coming home. Anyway, VooDoo fest will be amazing..and I want to attend! Fall Out Boy, Plain White T’s, Smashing Pumpkins, Gym Class Heroes, Ben Harper..oh yessss.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

so set fire to everything you thought
you knew about me.
it’s either not true, or time has changed me enough
to believe that i’m not the same anymore.

I’m just ready for another concert. Willie Nelson is soon and so is Mercy Me..but I intensely ache for Aaron Lewis. I watched him do covers for like an hour last night on youtube. Staind and Shinedown..there will never be another. 

What qualities are most important for a political figure to have? Honesty and dependency on God.

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I slept for 12 hours last night and had the craziest dreams. The first was that me & Jeff met Steven Tyler. The second was a random guy at Spencer’s putting orange and yellow glow in the dark makeup on me. I never have explanations for those dreams. Anyway, last night was definitely a great Friday night football game in Caldwell. We lost pretty bad..it’s like the old days before Caldwell went to play offs. I sat with the lovelys..Catfish who I love, Jody who is mad, Penguin who sings, Jesika who is a sea goddess, Kori who is a whore, Patrick who is her boyfriend, Heather who is the Megan, Cierra who is the Hilary, Jeff who is the trickster & Jeska who is the bestie. I can’t believe he tricked me into talking to Seth. It was the weirdest thing..basically, he still detests me. After the game, we watched a Steven Tyler interview..I enjoyed it. So did Jeff..you could tell by the look on his face. I’m probably doing not a thing today. We left at 10:45 last night because Jeska was being blah and so it was kind of boring. I played SIMS and was basically a loser all night..like I’m still doing today. I need some activity in my life.

and I still get you..

and im sorry the waymy moods flicker on and off like old light on your porch, but i knowyou wouldn’t have it any other way. sneaking in your window instead ofout. the way you hold a cigarette cause you don’t know what to do withyour hands when we are sitting this close.

reading through my old xangas make me miss me

“I’ve learned in my lifetime so far that you can’t help who you have feelings for and no matter how hard you try and how much it hurts you everyday that you just wanna be with them or just talk to them you never stop trying to make them happy by the little things you say or do because thats what makes your life worth going on for.”
-Mark Twain

I wish you were here today..but I don’t know if you would understand anymore than anyone else

<33 You think you could be more amazing? argonplatypus: everybody needs a blue duck now and then

 

i just feel like everything is going under. hmm…..any advice? “..dont worry now, its all under control…”

I want to live somewhere like in the Giver..minus the scary–ness. I’m currently reading Bless Me Ultima. It’s supposed to be classic and amazing.

I don’t get it. It’s getting bad again, isn’t it? Don’t fall into the old steps..you know where that leads us all

And just for the record, I was panic!ing at the disco before you even arrived.

What are you most proud of? I’m pretty proud of how I’ve turned out. I know I’m crazy and can be not the best person, but I could be so much worse. I’m just proud of how I’ve grown up. I’m not a little kid anymore and I’ve realized it. I like who I am. I’m proud of myself.

Tuesday..I went to the eye doctor! I love my eye doctor..seriously. They’re all so cute there like a little family! Me and the girls picked out glasses..haha. I look like a NERD! But I love them and they loved them, so I bought them! They are really cute..just not so cute on me. I honestly look like a dumb college kid pretending to be smart.

I tried out for speech yesterday and made it, of course. It seriously makes me happy to think that I’m in speech. I’m not the try out kind of girl. I freeze up. I forget. I basically freak out. But I did alright. I did screw up, but it was fun. I’m tired of being intimidated. I’m ready to stand up and just be me. Me and Rachel went to Monroe yesterday to get the trail blazer from the airport because Dock went back to work. *sadness* Rachel went to the Mall so I went with her to bug her. She bought some jeans and I bought a Nirvana shirt that I’m in love with. I also saw Brad. Which was interesting. He didn’t see me. But honestly, it was just the feeling of..even if he would’ve seen me, he would’ve ignored me. And that basically sucked.

I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I’m dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul
– Papa Roach

Life has been major suckage this week. I mean, it’s that time of the year..the Aaron time of the year..when I remember my lovely emo-ness. So today, me and Austin are in the car, he looks at me and says “Hilary, are you emo?” Niiiiiice. Anyway, today is Brad’s birthday..which makes me seriously insane..so it’s not a day to mess with me.

So, I went shopping.

Or…me ‘n Jeska went shopping. Major girltiming. I loved it. We both bought new bras..<3 And both got new purses and new earrings! Jeska bought other random things as well. We ended the night with Subway sandwiches, people watching and Starbucks. Gotta love that girltime. Green shirt boy and Austin make me smile. Masked crazy guys make me nervous. This weekend shall include gaming, Funroeness and church times.

I love the way that we laugh until we cry
Dance until we die
I love the smile with which you look at me and say
Get ready for this
And we get ready for this
– The Almost

I’m reading a niiiice book. I finished one this week about sibling relationships and Venice. The one I’m reading now is called “For One More Day” and Mrs. Folds said I’m going to cry. That’s funny. I cry in every book.

It’s three o’clock in the morning,
and I’m hungry so let’s eat.
Climb down three flights to the streetlights
and the bar-fights, we’re just taking in the sights.
I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed.
– Barenaked Ladies

You’re cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You’re monochrome, delerious
You’re nothing that you seem
I’m drownin in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You’re dirty and you’re sweet
You know you’re everything to me
– Goo Goo Dolls

What’s a good way to cure a broken heart?

Girl’s nights, man hating, ice cream, punk rock, anything to help you be in control of the situation.

 It’s been a great weekend. Saturday, even though the family was coming down, I didn’t break my plans and I went to the movies with Jeff and Jeska. I bought Jeff his replacement DVD for 15 dollars at FYE. At 7 something, we went and saw Halloween. Me, being amazing and smart, forgot my ID at home. They let me buy the ticket without carding me, but the lady cop checked at the door. Well, I was pissssssed. I was seriously about to get crunk with the lady cop, but when it was my turn to be checked, she turned away for a split second to talk to the man cop and I bolted and made it inside without being carded. 🙂 Ohhh yes. It was a good laugh anyway.

The movie was great..but grotesque. I hate blood. I have a really weak stomach lately and I can’t handle it. But it was a good movie. Afterwards, Rachel picked me up and took me to Tinsletown. Me, Rach, Dock, Amanda, Coty and Chelsie went and saw Superbad. It was filthy, but I’ll admit that it was funny. It was really long though and I almost fell asleep. I got home about 1:30 am. I don’t have a key to the front door, so I had to open the utility room door and there was a freakin’ vaccuum in the way and it took me like 5 minutes trying to get inside. Plus, Chantea’s random dogs were barking like monsters. I finally got in and slept on the sofa…uncomfortable.

Church on Sunday was great. I loved Bro. Keith’s sermon and all of my family made it which made my day. After church, everybody went up to Jennifer’s for our Labor Day familia time. Gooooood times. Chocolate chip cookies make my heart melt. At some point, we left and went to the Mall and bought Rachel some perfume and Dock a PSP from Gamestop. I met the youth minister guy!!!! Wowzers. He’s a cool one. Anyway, the rest of the time in Monroe including liquor hunting. Which we found. Of course.

We had a “party.” Mm-hmm. It was like the cousins, Madison & Tori, Dunn, Josh Bradley, Rucker, Parr, Finley and Kacey Johnson. Katelyn & Melani made an appearance. About one something, Jeff Glass, Matt Nolan & Harper showed up with a dead alligator. Fiiiiiiinally about 2:30, everybody left and I went to sleep. I thought I was going to have to slap Coty in the face. The only people I completely loved the entire night were Rachel & Amanda. I think I’m going to go to Austin with Amanda this weekend if Mom will concur.

Today, me and Coty went to eat lunch at Sonic with Sam and then picked up Jeska and chilled until like 2:30 or something. When everybody left, I did my usual sad music on repeat and driving fast business. I’m so tired and ready for bed. I detest school and am not ready for it tomorrow. I’m going to play SIMS or sleep now.

There is a great streak of violence in every human being. If it is not channeled and understood, it will break out in war or in madness. ~Sam Peckinpah

Do you think there’s a soulmate for you somewhere out there?

I do, yes. I believe God has me someone perfect for me picked out already and he’s waiting patiently as am I.  ❤

So, my week has been fairly wonderful. I babysat the Austin kid all week and I got paid sixty dollars today..which was nice. Except I have 45 left and have to spend 20 of it to buy Jeff a new dvd that was lost while in my family’s posession. Lovely, I know. But hey, money is money. It’s Friday night and I juuu-uuu-uuuust got paid.

Jeska stayed with me last night and we stayed up and talked about old memories. Those talks always make me smile. I love my best friend! Tonight, I went to the ballgame in Sterlington with Jeff, Jeska, Penguin and Catfish. It was pretty fun. I love football season, of course. I mainly just stole ringtones from Catfish and Derek and talked to random kids like Ciarra, the nose ring girl. I thought we were going to die on the way home. Penguin drove like 80 through the curves the backway home. I was so nervous. On the gravel road, we actually made a 360! I was so scared. We went to Waffle House, too. It really made me happy. Of course, I love me some Waffle House. I ate a chocolate chip waffle and some hashbrowns and got to listen to my Elvis song on the Jukebox. The best part of the night was riding with Jeff and Jeska in the back listening to Three Doors Down. ❤

It’s supposed to be a family weekend, so that’s pretty exciting. The Texas folks are supposed to show up. I hope they do. I will spend the whole day of tomorrow in the cleaning process. Who’s excited? Oh, baby. So, I’ve decided that I am the unluckiest girl ever. haha Well, not exactly, but yeah, it sucks. Yesterday after fighting and before the pizza, I had a really, really hard time catching my breath. I kind of think I have asthma. It took me like 5 minutes or so to calm down. I just haven’t been able to take long breaths for the last few days. And tonight, I bit a chunk outta my lip, so it was like squirting blood and that was gross. Two seconds ago, as I was going to drink the rest of the cough syrup..which I did, I walked smack dab into a chair. My knee is going to be purple tomorrow. Well, anyway, I’m going to go. Tomorrow, I’m going to see Halloween with Jeska, Jeff, possibly Kolter and probably Amanda. Fuuuun stuff. I’m so ready to see Sam on Sunday. The end.

Well, there’s a feeling in the air
Just like a Friday afternoon.
Yeah, you can go there if you want
Though it fades too soon.

So go on, let it be.
If there’s a feeling coming over me,
Seems like it’s always understood this time of year.

[To Chorus:]
Well, I know there’s a reason to change.
Well, I know there’s a time for us.
You think about the good times
And you live with all the bad.
You can feel it in the air,
Feeling right this time of year.

Well, there’s a football in the air,
Across a leaf blown field.
Yeah, and there’s your first car on the road,
And the girl you’d steal.

So go on with yourself
If there’s a feeling that there’s something else.
Seems like it’s always understood
This time of year.

What is one thing you learned today?

Blowing up bridges is not cool. It is depressing.

Me, Jeff and Jeska went to the “blasting” at 7 this morning. It happened around 7:15. It hurts to recount it. The police were counting down on the walkie-talkie and we were counting with them. When they got to three, they stopped and we stopped and there was no noise, it was silence. Two seconds later, the bridge, the bridge that has been a part of my life in every stage, lit up. It just hestitated and it seemed like time stopped. Then, in one moment, it was gone. The people surrounding me clapped and cheered, but I didn’t clap. I didn’t move. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and so many emotions hit me at once. I felt as if a dear friend had been taken from me.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it caused me such heartache to see the bridge that I’ve always traveled on gone.

The rest of my day doesn’t even matter. But I’ll talk about it anyway. School was pointless. I walked around in a daze all day. I picked up Austin at 3 and we hung out until I took him to State Farm at 5. Then, I went to Jeska’s and studied for my first Physics test with Jeff. I seriously hope I do not fail. My favorite necklace ever was eaten by Oscar, so I almost cried about that. I kind of just wish today never happened. Basically, you’re trash.

xoxo, hil*

Yesterday, I slept a whole lot. Like, the majority of the day.

I also rode around by myself, fought with my Mom and lost five ish dollars.

The bridge is getting blown up tomorrow, so basically, I’m really depressed about that.

“You know how old this bridge is, it could collapse at any moment.”

Walking over that bridge with the cross was amazing.

The bridge was just part of my Caldwell. The new bridge makes Columbia nonexistant. Oh, the loves of my life.

Who do you look up to and why? Basically, my Grandmother. She is typically..an amazing Grandmother. Plus, she chases people around with random power objects.

I’m lazy with life currently. >.>;;

If there’s one thing you couldn’t live without, what would it be?

Jesus, of course. I mean, he is my life, so without him, I’d be lifeless. haha

So, I’m probably gonna say water/food. Without that, I’d die. It’s a proven fact.

But to be unrealistic, I guess, or posession-wise, I’d probably have to say music in general. It’s therapy to me and I’d hate to know how I’d be without it.

The end.