Nawh. With a h.

Me too.

I stayed with Sam last night ❤

YEP. YOUTUBE=crazy. PLAINWHITETS HEY THERE DELILAH.

Now i’m going to Monroe. CREAM PUFFS. A 10 MIN CONVO! AT CHURCH.

Okay. We want the horse. AW, I saw my Kurdt yesterday. Pretty lil kitty.

Little John. Anyway, I’m going to Monroe to make myself happy. AHA!

<333333333333333333333333333333333333333 Whoree.

So yay. Hair and makeup is taken care of! I’m so excited. I get my nails done that Friday. Since we’re out of school, we’re probably going to have a big girl’s day and get everything completely finished! Manicures, pedicures, eyebrows waxed, everything! :] It’s going to be great. I think my Mom is going to buy a new camera before then, so I’m excited about that, too! ❤ I hope she does, anyway.

Everything is mostly decent right now, but I’ve been feeling down a couple of days, but I’m feeling better. Yesterday, I got home and took a long nap. It felt soo good. Then, I went to Grandmother’s to visit her and Aunt Dolores ‘n Uncle Gary. But I got bored and came home. I’m just so tired all the time. But..I’m trying to put everything in perspective right now. I made a to-do list last night and finished my homework and I just felt good when I went to sleep last night.

Why is it..that couples get together..not as “Mr. or Miss Right” but..”Mr. or Miss Right Now”…and they know that it’s like that…but they end up loooooving each other and staying together for the kids (minus the kids) ..even when they clearly have problems..and everybody knows it. *sigh* I wish the best for them. I do. I want everything to work out.

In the last week, I’ve begun this crazy thing..called…being nice. *sigh of relief* Got that off my chest. Seriously, though, it makes me happy. Really happy. I’m connecting more with everybody and I love it. I love my friends. Last night, I counted like..20 friends that I had..and it made me really, really smile. I’m happy. I’m a happy girl.

I’m so ready to get Kurdt. He opened his eyes! He’s so beautiful.

Oww, my angst.

I feel like I have so many friends. I feel super loved. Aww, sugars. hehe.

Grandma (Jeska’s great gmaw)’s bday is today. We went to San Miguels to celebrate. I bought her some candles and a lil angel thing. She got to wear the sombrero..I think she wanted to keep it. These random people played guitar and sang to us. It was so weird. I’m not fond of listening to Spanish music while I’m eating.

Chem lab was great today. Our relative error was .9%! Heck yes! We’re so awesome.

Jeska came to school today. I missed her and made her a Get Well Card. It was sexah.

We made our hair appointment today. And I called Teresa Ellerbe to do makeup and she didn’t answer, so I left a message. Hopefully, I’ll talk to her tomorrow.

Jeska didn’t come to school with me today and I was sad. She went to the doctor because she had another one of her little heart episodes. She’s gonna get all better though. Soon.

I got to drive a golf cart with impairment glasses on. I had lots of fun. And I got to walk the line and throw footballs..I’m a pretty good drunk though. I didn’t kill anybody!! YAY!! Gosh, I have like a migraine. Shoot me!

Word of God speak..would you pour down like rain?

I’m going to the dinner theatre at 7!! woOt. I’m excited.

My dad makes me crazy. Bluh.

Happy Birthday to three of the best guys ever. Rusty, Kenny Chesney & Steven Tyler! ❤

–edit–

Dinner thrater=wonderful. I loOove my lil speech kids! And the peach cobbler was GREAT! The other food…tasted like fireworks. (And ketchuppp..oh yeah.)

Today was an adventure!! ^.^

Me and Jeska took my big poofy purple dress out to Mrs Donna’s and BARELY fit through the door, lol. But she said she could do it and it’d be GREAT! She has to take up the neck line and bring in the sides and fix the boob part and cut an inch off the bottom! It’s going to be SO seksi! I’m EXCITED!

What else did I do todays? I cleaned the kitchen..go me. And I rode bikes. It was bad. My heart was beating so fast. I’m so out of shape. But i’m trying to get in it! The shape of purple! Anyway. I ended up going to get mi Kori & JeSika! I had so much fun tonight with them. We rode around for a while and bought random foods…and went to Meaghan Miller’s house (super awkward, btw.) And then went to Ashley’s!!! I love Brian! But Brian doesn’t really love me. Oh well..it takes time. I got to play in THREE houses today!!

So, as always, we ended up at Sonic with Penguin, Jody and JUSTIN CARR! lol. I so love Justin Carr! Oh yeah, Turtle smokes cigars. Weird. aha. But it was pretty funs..just hanging out with mi amigos. Weirdest part of the night. Okay. Some RANDOM woman gives Jeska her shirt. Call me crazy..it happened. I almost died.

We ended up at the Watermark for a while listening to the band that was performing until mr. whatshisface ran us off. And I skinned my leg all up by falling down the hill! aha. The band played Wonderful Tonight and it was beautiful. Maybe one day..i’ll have the fairytale.

xoxo, hil*

Most girls say they want a fairy tale,
but you taught me that it’s not really what I want.
I want someone who will make fun of me
& laugh at my jokes even if they aren’t funny;
Someone that wrestles with me
& doesn’t let me win just cause im a girl.
Yeah, riding off into the sunset on a white horse would be nice..
but playing football with you seems so much better

 

I’ve changed so much in the last two years. Gahh. And sometimes, I wanna go back.

Me, Jeff, Jeska and Peigen played at the Preschool today. It was lots of fun.

I’m….bluh. For lots of reasons. Jeff’s grandpa is in the hospital. Pray for him.

Pray for me..I need to learn the friendship rules again.

Duuuuude. Swear to shake it up if you swear to listnen.

Mom’s been staying with Grandmother for the past 3 days. I miss her. At least G-mother is home.

If I go to Washington this summer, it’s going to be a complete Kurt adventure.

I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black. Hey, wait, I got a new complaint.

It`s not how far you fall,
but how high you bounce back.

& when school let’s out,
Everyone will dance;
& maybe he’ll give me a chance.
The summer heat & newest trends
Will have me and my girls
Laughing till the end.
This life is gonna feel like Heaven;
Oh baby, bring on Summer ’07

 

 

 

I’m sitting at Jeff’s watching Sesame Street with Jeff, Jeska and JJ. I love this show! Oh, yeahh! THE COUNT!

I decided what I want to do when I grow up. NOTHING. I want Jeff and Jeska to be famous rockstars and I want to live the rockstar life while doing NOTHING. All I need is somewhere to crash, a car, a meal a day, free concert tickets and free drugs. (Minus the drugs.)

Grandmother came home last night. I’m excited. She said I had to visit her every day!! lol Oh, now I’m watching Price is Right. Well, I’m about to run off to school like a good lil kid! (Maybe! lol)

 

I spent Sunday with Sam, Jeska and Seth. We ate hamburgers and played Outside and then played tennis. It was a whOle bunch Of fun! I spent the rest of the evening with the pOsse half celebrating. I’m nOt gOnna lie, it was weird. I just…haven’t gOt Over the whOle Ordeal. But it’s fine…things will get better, I knOw it.

I feel stupid and contagious, here we are now, entertain us. The GEE is over. Unless I fail, I will never sit in Coach Wells’ classroom and take another standerdized test…in..my..life! It’s pretty sad..(NOT!) I’m grOwing upppp. But it’s freakin’ amazin’. I was sitting in Journalism today talkin’ to Jeska..and I’m so ready to get out of this place. I mean, not forever..but just for a lil bit. I’m so ready to explore. The great wonders of the world…They’re waitin’ on me.

Jeska got her dress and it’s so beautiful. She’s a princess! And Jeff got his tux. He’s such a doll! I’m so excited.

I have bruises all over my right arm. I look like a junkie. I think I counted six bruises. Oh, the heroine. Gah, I love Kurt. Plus, my knee has been killing me for two days. The pain is coming back and I don’t want it. I’d been running without a brace..I was doing SO good. *sigh* So, I’ve just been filling my days with Kurt and Nirvana and lyrics and facts, opinions, history, punk rock and freedom. I’m OBSESSED. And I love it.

I’m so ready for summer…it’s not even a joke. I’m ready for that freedom. I’ve been missing it.

Grandmother is doing better. She should be able to come home soon. I’m about to go up to her house and pretend clean. I want to buy a Dresden Dolls CD.

On March 18, 1994, Love phoned police to inform them that Cobain was suicidal and had locked himself in a room with a gun. Police arrived and confiscated several guns and a bottle of pills from Cobain, who insisted that he was not suicidal and had locked himself in the room to hide from Love. When questioned by police, Love admitted that Cobain had never mentioned that he was suicidal and that she had not seen him with a gun.

    

 

I want to publicly annouce that today is the one year anniversary OF THE POSSE! 🙂

Have patience and allow me to tell the story.

I was on the journalism staff with Kaylin and Melissa and we’d gotten pretty close. And they were always asking me to go to the Jaycee’s building with them. Being hesitant and shy as I am, I always refused. I wasn’t the best with social situations. But about the third time Kaylin asked, I had this idea..that I should really go, so I told her I’d be there. I ran straight to my best friend at the time, Jeska and told her our weekend plans. She was excited…(I think!) Emo show + emo boys = fun times, right!? Exactly. So..in Biology, I was just messing with Jeff and I asked him if he wanted to come..and he considered it. I thought it was pretty weird because if you know the Jeff and Hilary history, it’s not very pretty. But then when I got it in my head that he was coming and it was going to be TUNZOFUNZO, he changed his mind..said he wouldn’t come unless Roy went. And I begged and pleaded Jeff and Roy to come for the next hour..and finally, they agreed. That was Friday.

All Saturday morning, I searched for my skirt..and never found it. (Thank God!) I ended up wearing my Myspace shirt (in hopes of making friends) and an old pair of Jeska’s jeans with a hole on the bottom of the left leg. I straightened my hair and went to Jeska’s. We were SO excited. We kept staring at the directions hoping that they’d somehow make sense (and they never did.) We were talking to Jeff online and he was like AHHH WHEN IS YOUR MOM GONNA BE READY!!!! And she was SO late. SO SO SO late. (Sound familiar, guys? Mrs Vickie being late? NEVER!) But, we finally left. The three of us piled in the backseat and Jeska was in the front doing the music.

The ride up there..wasn’t as awkward as I’d imagined. It was actually pretty fun. Jeff called random people on my phone..and we all laughed, jammed and somewhere in the midst of all the ruckus, we bonded. When we arrived at the Jaycee’s building, it was pretty rough. There were all of these crazy emo people and lots of smoke. And..it was fun. We went inside and sat on a pool table for a lil bit and the lights were on and it was way weird. When the lights went off and people got crazy, it was more comfortable and enjoyable.. Jeff got really thirsty..and like the only thing they sold was Red Bull..for $2.50 a can. We consumed about 3-4 cans that night. And everything gets blurry after that.

I remember standing the bathroom telling my Mom that I had red bull in my hair. I remember a black guy. I remember some guy in boxers or pajama pants..or something weird. I don’t remember any of the bands..or any of the people. At some point, Jeff & I were standing on chairs and all of a sudden, I got really, really hot..and dizzy and the next thing I knew, I was layin on the chair and everybody was asking if I was okay. Woo-hoo. After that, we decided we needed some cool night air. We ran down dark alleys. We played with pink paint found on the floor. We ran around laughing, screaming and just being so random and happy. When Mrs Vickie came and got us, I was sad…not because I wanted to stay and listen to emo people yelling, but because I was so happy…so geniunely happy.

After the show, we ended up at the Waffle House in West Monroe. That’s when we met Billy Ray & Chandra. And made fun of Billy Ray..and listened to the Elvis at the WH song. When I got home that night, I smelled distinctly of cigarette smoke and bacon. And I loved it. I loved every second of it. Somewhere between jamming to AC/DC and making fun of Billy Ray, a friendship was started. One that has changed me..more than anything else.

Today is the one year anniversary of that night. One year since the formation of the posse. Like I’ve told so many people, I prayed for them..and they were an answer to my prayer. And they were everything that I could’ve asked for and more. Some days, I don’t know how I’d survive without them. It’s been a long year..probably the longest year of my life..but also the shortest. Even as much time as I spent with them, I always feel like there wasn’t enough time. They are everything to me. It’s been really, really, REALLY hard on every one of us and most of us have lost friends because of it. We’ve gotten a lot of crap talked about us..even stupid stuff about how we’re a cult and all of those nice things.. but I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I love them way too much.

So, this goes out to Jeska, Jeff and Roy…my posse, my best friends.

I love you three from the bottom of my heart and nothing that you do will ever change that. I’m a different person that I was one year ago, but you three..still..after all this time..make me the happiest girl in the world. I’m so lucky to have you..and so thankful to God for allowing you to come into my life. It’s been a good year…even with all of the heartache and pain. Remember, good friends are hard to find.. And we..are the posse. And only the strong survive =]

I carry a squirt gun
in one hand, &*
candy cigarettes
in the other

So, oh the weekend. Saturday night. Three minutes past curfew and I’m sitting here. I just ate an orange and I’m drinking a bottle of water. I’m doing really well eating..but I’m gaining the weight back instead of losing? No idea. My body is crazy. I hate it.

I spent yesterday in normal weekend mode. We sat around watching TV and other junk. We watched the end of Goblet of Fire…and just spent quality time…lol. Finally, we went to Jeff’s. And it was a disaster. First, I opened a frozen Sprite and it started SPEWING all over EVERYWHERE and we were all squealing and laughing! Then, when we got it under control, I kicked over Jeff’s full glass of blue koolaid. He took it really well…it made me smile. But I felt so bad…and so we cleaned that up..and then I opened my popsicle and it started goin all over me..so I ran to the kitchen with it and ate frozen Sprite. After that, I wanted to get out as quickly as possible..lol. So we jumped on our trampoline for a few hours. It smelled like horse.

Guess what I did today? Oh yes, I bought my prom dress. It’s purple..REALLY poofy and sequiny..and I like it a lot. I look like a superwhOre in it. So I gotta get it taken up..so it’ll fit around the top and my boobs won’t hang out. I was excited! Especially since it’s purple? I was intending on getting a black one..but all along, I really wanted purple! DON’T TELL! haha.

I’m freezin..i’m not gonna lie. Mom is w/ Grandmother at the hospital. She might get to come home on Wednesday? Methinks. Hope so. She’s walking down the hall and stuff..it still hurts but it’s getting stronger everyday. Jeff got 4th in Chem at lit rally today. I’m so proud of him. He has turned into such a great young man. (aha, I’m being his Mom)

So, I’ve been thinking. I want to go to Hogwarts. lol. PLEASE?!? Why in the world would you bet on a horse? It’s a no brainer…DON’T DO IT! Come on baldy, get your head in the game!

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the posse. It’s a huge deal. But..I think we’re treating it as though it’s not. We haven’t been talkin’ to Roy much since last Saturday…and I don’t think tomorrow is gonna change anything.

Here’s my plans for the future…:::—> Lip ring, eyebrow ring…go to lots of concerts, memorials, museums and gravesites. I’m excited. Until later, XOXO, HIL*