FUCK MY LIFE

Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair and eat men like AIR!

I`m not sure
What I`m looking for anymore

I think I miss that feeling of “I like you and you don’t know it” because I’m bored without it. I’m so bored without heartbreak. But, it’s okay. I have enough misery. I’m not missing out on sadness.

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June

I hate school. I’m ready to be the bandaid I’ve always wanted to be.
I’m going to Texarkana tomorrow to stay at William’s with Rusty, Travis, Matt and Crystal.
I’m soooo excited.
And Rusty leaves Tuesday.

That’s how I feel.
But I know that

I think I have become the mirror. I’m just looking at me now.

My medicine makes me not eat very much, but I am STARVING anyway. I hope I lose weight on it.

I have to drop my Brit Lit class. FUCK MY LIFE. I’m going to go to NOT fulltime student, my mom is going to hate me and I just might shoot myself. I hate everything about college right now. I want to start over in the fall.

Leave me lonely.

The only thing I’m wearing that I bought are my underwear and my class ring. I’m wearing Rusty’s white tshirt and vans jacket. Jessica’s jeans. Daddy’s shoes. Rusty’s necklace and lip ring! lol. YAY. I’m a bum.

Battery Low. Charge me?

My soul has been ripped into shreds.

My life is completely fucked up.

I’m going to Texas tomorrow (hopefully) with Rusty, Travis, Crystal & maybe Matt n Jeska to see William. 🙂 If it happens, it will be the best last weekend ever ❤

I already feel like I’m happy when I’m not supposed to be happy.

That’s what I don’t like about medicine. I hate it.

If I wanna be fucked up in the head, then let me.

I just need the medicine to make me do my schoolwork.

Without it, I lay in bed and sleep/cry all day.

FUCK MY LIFE.

I have pretty friends who love me 🙂

and I love them 🙂

and my Mommi is about to take me out to eat.

EVEN though I spent her 50 dollars in like 3 days on NOTHING.

I just emailed my teacher, told him I was depressed and never coming to class again.

Pahahaha. Close enough.

Rusty says he doesn’t think we’ll hang out much when he gets back because I’ll still be a crazed party girl.

Little does he know..

that when he gets back,

I might be sane again.

And not need to alter my mind to open my mind.

We’ll see though, won’t we?

That’s what I told him. “We’ll see.”

I’d rather believe we’d be best friends forever so the goodbye isn’t so permanent.

Sighs.

Let’s make like laundry detergent and snuggle.

Let’s snort a line of coke.

Why the hell not?

BECAUSE I HAVE DEADLINES.

THINGS TO DO.

IMPORTANT, INTRICATE DECISIONS I HAVE TO MAKE.

before I’m over it

Peace.

She’s country

I got put on depression/anxiety medicine yesterday.

I’ve never been on medicine before.

Jason Aldean tomorrow..we gotta get tickets today.

6 days until he leaves.

I shall resume my life whenever he leaves. It’s on hold right now.

Don’t give up on me

xoxo, hil*

I think and really hope I’m going to see Jason Aldean on Thursday 🙂

I’m okay…the sadness is under the surface again.

We all felt like kids again…oh man, we were livin. ❤

I’m really sad…

Hilary-Ridiculous♥ had a wonderful day, but has found my sadness slowly creeping in as the sun goes down. I miss you already.

Lately, I’ve been realizing and learning so much. It can’t be taken away now.

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one! :)

I feel like I should be running in circles and yet, I’m listening to Death Cab for Cutie. It’s a weird little thing that is happening here.

I’m so happy though. It’s like bliss that I’m feeling.

If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, I will follow you into the dark. 🙂

I could’ve sworn somebody just said, “Bilary!” lol.
Ooh, I’m going to miss that.

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I have the best friends in the world. 🙂 I really do. I think about it CONSTANTLY.

Someday, this all will make perfect sense. I promise.

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This is beautiful. 🙂 This is love to me.

This next picture reminds me of my best friend, wifey, Miss Jeska Lyn. 🙂

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
-Helen Keller

And I’m out! 🙂

I<3MyGirls :) :)

I wanna go to the park. 🙂

I’m about to go shave my legs and clean my room! 🙂 Yay productivity.

Then, I’m going to lay out and read until Crys n Jeska get here unless the sun goes away!! =]

Jeska is bein real cool as usual and not answering her phone!

I need something to take up time.
Who can I manipulate today?
Hmmmmmmmm.
Bitches.

FML FML FML FML FML

Just broke down crying in Tolliver.
like I’m intelligent or something.

2 weeks left…
2 freaking weeks.

and I’m so so so so so terribly heartbroken. :[

And you ask why we keep getting so freakin drunk!
because we can’t face the reality that we have 2 weeks to bond like that. :[

Robin

Hey baby

6:41pmHilary

6:42pmRobin

How’s everything?

6:42pmHilary

It sucks as usual. I just want to go to Rusty’s house and see him.

2 weeks

6:50pmHilary

Are you there?

6:52pmRobin

yeah, I’m back

6:52pmHilary

Can I have my car please? I really need it.

6:52pmRobin

Dad is planning on going camping

6:52pmHilary

That’s all very interesting, but I really need the car.

6:53pmRobin

why?? to come to Columbia?

6:53pmHilary

next week, yeah. Everybody went to the movies tonight. Guess who couldn’t go!

6:54pmRobin

why?

6:54pmHilary

Was I supposed to walk along the interstate?

6:54pmRobin

No one could take you?

6:54pmHilary

No!

And who am I going to ask? My friends are in COLUMBIA, not ruston.

6:56pmHilary

Everything would be easier if I just had my car and could see Rusty. :[ I wouldn’t be so frickin sad