Ready to go home

Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once? I am one of those melodramtic fools, neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it.

I gotta stop getting drunk on school nights. Haha. The punch had vodka, everclear, gin. The beer was Keystone light in 16 oz again. There was strawberry flavored. -_- And I drove home.

Am I just paranoid? Or am I just stoned?

Oh, it’s what you do to me

🙂

how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

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I wish you could change and I wish I could be your inspiration. You’re beautiful. I get you. Know this. I get you.

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That night we talked;
we talked about life,
about our times together.
Maybe we aren’t the same two kids
we once were, but some things never change.
Some things last, & even though I didn’t
know what was going to happen
to us or where we were going,
I just knew I couldn’t let you out of my life.

I hope life turns out good for me

I finally got Jeska to work out with me again today. We added a couple minutes on the bike and some ab workouts to our workout. 🙂 I just love it. Afterwards, we got showers and went over to the ATO house. I really like them. They’re the best. =] My favorite was the Chad guy who brought me beer. And Jason with naked woman in his bathroom.

I’m going to bed now because I can’t keep my eyes open and Jeska is already passed out beside me. Three cheers for Keystone Light. =]

Rusty and I had a real conversation tonight. Finally.

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I wanna watch The Last Unicorn tomorrow night. I hope I remember.

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I still have your underwear — I still have your virginity.

LOL!

My coffee tastes like perfume.

I’ve given up on school for today. I’ll start back tomorrow. Promise 🙂

I can’t wait to work out today. That’s all I’ve wanted to do since I got back from the gym last night. I’m so going to talk Jeska into coming ^_^

Last night, I realized that whenever I go to Caldwell on Friday, I won’t be back in Ruston until TUESDAY! =] Helllls yeah.

I can’t wait for this summer. I hope my plans work.

I’m so going to get my READ on today. I’m about to go fail a history test, go get some lunch and probably read a bit, smoke one cigarette, then go to math and then if it’s not too cold, I’m going to go to the park and read. If it is too cold, I’ll sit in Tolliver and read. 🙂 I’m wearing sweatpants today. Everybody is going to laugh at me.

Let’s go get drunk! I want a margarita! Come on Barbie, Let’s go PARTY! ^_^

This world is spinning faster than it did in the old days

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My math test was hellacious. I almost cried. Afterwards, I went and picked up Jeska and we spent some time in my room just being. While we were relaxing, Corey called and needed a ride, so I took him to pick up his truck. It wasn’t completely awkward, but he and Blake in the later evening reminded me why I feel boys are trash. Especially boys who can’t leave the past in the past.

Jeska and I started watching Pride and the Prejudice today, but it was getting a little too sappy for the hardass I’ve been trying to be, so we worked out instead. Then, we went in the steam room and the sauna. That is something I can get used to. =] Jeska and I are going to start going twice a week, on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I think I’m going to go more than that. Just because it makes me feel good and I love it.

Tomorrow (well in 20 minutes) is Jeff’s birthday! w00t. I can’t believe they’re both 19 now. We’re all getting so old.

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I’m happy, I think. I mean, I can get a little lonely and a little down, but there isn’t any reason for me to be unhappy, so yeah. I got that happiness thing down. I get upset when you don’t txt me back. Sometimes I feel like you’re already gone.

The girl had some kind of PCP flashback from her childhood or something that made her believe there was chemistry between me and a friend of ours. Of course, she’s been on a lot of heroin, so I think she was just really high. Haha, Juuust kidding. =] But yeah, she’s crazy. I mean, I’m not Blake. I can’t fall for all of my friends. Just saying.

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I’m crazy for you

I’m trying to find a job.

I’m trying to get back into school.

I have a math test at 2:00 and I haven’t studied, but I’m about to go get some M&Ms and then study until 12:45. Then I’ma take a shower and get to class =] After my test, I’m going to start studying for my History exam.

I went out to Ricky’s last night with Jeska, Antonio & Ankur. ^_^ It was a lot of fun. The nasty guy came out and I decided I might could play nice. So I was nice. I even apologized. Yay! Jessica Cassels showed up and it was terribly awkward! Hmph! I accidentally knocked Ricky’s deodorant into the toilet, lmao. It was the funniest thing in the world. I totally win the game.

Well, I really gotta study math. I’m so officially failing college so I have to pass this!!!

xoxo, hil*

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air
Can’t you feel the weight of my stare
You’re so close but still a world away
What I’m dying to say, is that

I’m crazy for you
Touch me once and you’ll know it’s true
I never wanted anyone like this
It’s all brand new, you’ll feel it in my kiss
I’m crazy for you, crazy for you

My Soulmate in Girl Form

Happy 19th birthday Jeska :]

I have a feeling that this is YOUR year to shine. ^_^

I love you. Always have and always will. I -still- need you like a heart needs a beat.

❤ xoxo, hil*

And avoid that circumstance where there’s no second chance to tell her how I feel

1]Why was I always second to someone else?

In all honesty, you didn’t understand the real me. The real real real me deep inside. You wouldn’t even listen to me about the boy problem I had for years because you didn’t care. Whenever I tried to talk to you about the thing that was eating at me, you just acted like you didn’t care because you hated him. And I didn’t care if you hated him. I just needed someone to talk to. So I found someone. As we grew up, we stopped “clicking” and whether that was my, your or nobody’s fault, it happened and I just found people who I did click with.

2]Have you realized yet that I’m not judging you?

Not really. Maybe I’ll understand that someday, but I still see judgement in your eyes.

3]What happened to the BCM and Bible studies that you were going to the first week of school?

Corey proved to me that even the “oh so Christian guys” are just all fucking douches when he tried to have sex with me. And afer he hurt me so bad, I couldn’t go back to any of those places where I’d run into him.

4]Why are you partying so much?

I’ve stopped partying so much. I still drink occaisonally whenever I want to. It’s fun. We have fun. Like Tupac says, “Even though they sold drugs, they showed a young brother love.” It’s what the people that love me the most do. And plus, I looove taking drunk pictures ^.^

What’s the point of doing things you can’t even remember?

So I’ll have stories to tell my grandkids someday.

5]Do you think we’ll ever be close again?

No. Sometimes, you have to move on.

Livin’ my Life <3

I’m really happy.

I love Jessica. I love Jeska. I love Rusty.

They’re the best friends I could ever ask for.

Sam sent me a message today. I have a lot of questions to answer tomorrow if I ever get out of bed. I’ll probably answer them on here first..so I’ll always remember.

Yaaaawwwwn. Gotta love those adventures. I’m glad we didn’t get stuck in any ditches tonight. And I’m glad we had those connections with the Joy Ride trucks.